10 things I’m thankful for, this #InternationalMensDay

This is a Thanksgiving + International Men’s Day crossover post, and I’m writing it for myself: to remember and celebrate the things which made life better for me this year. Will they work for you? Will they inspire you to make a similar list, or maybe to check in with the boys and men in your life? Who knows. I can only hope you enjoy reading this list as much as I enjoyed making it.

1. “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain” by Lisa Feldman Barrett

I read this book straight after Pinker’s “The Blank Slate”, and it was the antidote to everything that frustrated me about Pinker. “7 & 1/2” helped me understand my brain better, and let me to appreciate the way it works. Low on cliches, spot-on with latest research, practical, high on mind-blowing facts, written and edited to be accessible, and kind throughout. Definitely the best popular science book I read this year.

2. “The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love” by bell hooks

I found it difficult to get through this book, even with all the trust and respect I’ve got for bell hooks. In the end, I chose to interpret this resistance as a sign that there’s a lot to unpack and process, between me and the book. “TWTC” is resolute and relentless in conveying its messages. When I finished reading it, I felt once again the numbing, poisonous weight of patriarchy on my shoulders, and I realized the struggle – through actions and ideas, but also through feelings – is unlikely to ever end, for boys, men or for anyone else. It’s hard to neatly summarize what bell hooks did to me with her book. But I’m thankful she did it.

3. “The Ghost Note Symphonies, vol. 1” by Rise Against

How long can a punk rock band stay relevant? What happens to a hardcore song after it goes softcore? Listen to this album and you’ll find out. Rise Against are one of my go-to high energy bands, and I’ve been grateful for the electrifying company of these lads during my runs, workouts, or other steam-venting pursuits. “TGNSv1” shows just how good they really are. Go acoustic, take away the volume and the voltage, and the songs remain: eloquent, punchy, and properly pissed off. A lesson in renewable, sustainable energy for any like-minded dude.

4. “Ram Dass” by Ram Dass / East Forest

There are two places I regularly go to for my meditation this year, and they both feature Ram Dass. One is Jon Hopkins’ “Sit Around The Fire” – with a brilliant video. The other one is “I Am Loving Awareness” from this East Forest Album. Ram Dass was the most unlikely find for me this year – and many of the religious/mystical implications still fail to penetrate – but that doesn’t stop me from seeing the love, respect, and good-humored kindness in his philosophy. And from sitting down for ten minutes, just to meditate.

5. “At The End Of The Day”, by Özgür Kar

By far, the most impactful art experience of my year. The premise is simple: a cartoonish figure on a tall screen, positioned to face a huge set of concert-grade speakers, with a tangle of wires all around it. The figure’s monologue projects from the speakers, back onto itself and towards us: a garbled, chaotic mish-mash of influencer-inspired affirmations, pep talk snippets, aborted manifestations. I sat on the floor, in the vast, empty, dimly-lit gallery room of the Stedelijk gallery, bathed in the absurd glow and ASMR nightmare of this post-truth, social-media Narcissus, and cried.

6. Magnesium + calcium supplement

Here’s a crazy story: if you move out of London, you’re probably immediately beginning to miss out on your daily dose of magnesium, calcium, and a few other important minerals. Why? Simple: you no longer drink the hard water, and a few pints of London’s aqua are enough to supply you with these! It took a few fatigued, cranky evenings in the new place for me to do the math, and start supplementing: it gets worse if you’re a coffee drinker (see below). On the plus side, the water here tastes great.

7. Cycling UK group rides

A bunch of friendly faces, and a weekend group ride in the countryside. That’s just the sort of welcome I needed after I moved to my new place. Cycling UK is the organisation you want on your side, if you’re serious about your bicycle adventures: as well as giving you the peace of mind that comes with the insurance, they let you join a local group for expertly-led rides.

8. Magic: The Gathering

Definitely a good year for MTG: a few decent sets, and a return to face-to-face game-store experience. For me, this is another source of connection, pretty much anywhere I find myself. Finding my new playgroup in my new city meant that I could hang out and play my favourite game, just as easily as back in London. And, since my introversion doesn’t always allow me to keep up with folks in a regular or sustained way, it’s good to know that the Friday game night is always there, so I can pick up that habit anytime I want.

9. Girls Who Grind / Teifi Coffee

Life’s too short to drink bad coffee. And, to take this a step further – too short to pay your coffee money to big, international conglomerates. Girls Who Grind are a perennial favourite, and every delivery from them is easily the best I’ve found. For a more budget-friendly and local version, Teifi Coffee are now my neighbourhood choice. Both deliver beans of joy, and make my mornings much more flavorful. I’m past pretending that I can live without coffee: I’m sure it’s an option, but I no longer want it on my menu!

10. Boss As A Service

End with a weird one! Professionally, this year has been a bit all over the place – in a good way. I wanted to push myself, and get some work done on a few projects at once. At the same time, I felt like the post-Covid, pre-Recession, mid-Permacrisis vibes aren’t exactly the kind of stuff which motivates me to, you know, get out of bed. Enter Boss As A Service. One payment later, I had a year’s worth of accountability coaching with a twist. I sent my boss my goals for each week, and shared proof that I worked to accomplish them. If I didn’t, I got the nagging and the reminders – if I did, I got the thumbs-up and the appreciation. You know I’ve got a thing for weird ways to motivate myself; looking back on my writing portfolio, job performance and bank statements, I can safely say that this weird way worked for me in 2022.